I've had my fair share of experience dealing with divorce and blended families. Let's dive in.
Credentials
I have to establish some personal credentials of mine before I go further. Before my father married my mom, he had already been married, had two kids, and been divorced. My parents got divorced by the time I reached 5 years of age. My father was quite the social butterfly and dated many women, and got remarried around my 11th birthday. That wife passed away and he got married again when I was 17 years old. My mom finally got remarried when I was 19 years old.
In total, I've had 9 siblings without including in-laws married to some siblings. We were lucky to have a faithful mother in the church who had kept us strong in our callings and listening to the words of prophets and apostles.
Different times call for different measures
With my mom being single for the majority of my childhood, she had to fill in some roles that were meant more for the father as well as filling her motherly roles. As a result of working 12-16 hours each day and being both a mother and father to us, her approach to teaching important life lessons wasn't always the right approach, but she did what was needed when she lacked greatly in one area.
She took on a sort of authoritarian approach to parenting. She became strict on us and that has its effects on us as kids. We are still fearful of her, but not as much knowing that we are older and more peers than little children now.
But, she did what she thought was right and what she thought she needed to do. She took care of us better than any other mom would have in her circumstance with a difficult ex-husband in the way.
Divorce facts
In chapter 14 of the Lauer & Lauer book about marriage and family, they talk about social integration and its role in marriage and/or divorce. They explain that the more religious a couple is, the less likely they are to divorce, despite whatever religion they choose to worship.
The book continues saying that those who choose to not have children are more likely to divorce. Children are usually a bond or, as the authors of the book explain it, a social integration for couples.
There are short-term and long-term effects for divorces, both positive and negative. When deciding to divorce, you have to determine if there are consistent patterns, if it is irredeemable, and if it insults a person's dignity. Weighing pros and cons play a part in determining if those factors are the case.
Ultimately...
For my family, divorce was the hardest thing we could have survived, but it ended up being something with a more positive outcome than anything else. I could have grown up and lived with a wild father with no morals or foundation to pull from and I could have been even more afraid of marriage from seeing my parents fighting if they stayed together.
I feel that because I didn't witness what I could have if my parents never divorced, I wouldn't feel as ready for marriage as I do now. I'm looking forward to beginning a new life with my fiancé starting in a month and doing things in our own way and through listening to the Holy Ghost and hearing what the Lord would have us do.
Comments